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And I'm okay with it, because I have also been bounteously blessed. I have two beautiful, healthy little boys, and they are so beyond worth it.

The Lord has blessed me with the strength I need to take care of my little ones. As long as I'm able to do that, I'm okay.

I can be happy. They are little angels and they bring me so much joy. The Lord has also blessed me with an amazing husband who is my saving grace.

He picks up my slack around the house. He's the most incredible person I know. So this is me, giving up my pride. Owning my condition instead of hiding it.

Trusting the Lord that one day I'll be able to walk well, and play with my little boys. In the mean time, I will do my best to stay happy.

For my boys, for my husband, and for myself. After all, why are we here except to conquer trials, grow stronger, and find happiness?

So I'm gonna do that. Cane and all. Watch me conquer! Wednesday, October 29, Life is a Rollercoaster. Posted by Aubrey at AM 1 comment:.

Wednesday, September 17, Grateful for the Journey. Most people outside of my family don't know the full extent of my condition. It's been a difficult and scary 6 months, not knowing if I'll ever fully recover from this ailment; not knowing if I'll ever be able to walk well again.

I've been bracing myself. I braced myself for the idea that I would never run with my children. That I'd never take them hiking or for a bike ride.

That anything active we did as a family, I'd be cheering on the sidelines. And you know what, it would be okay. If I never got any better than I am right now, we could still have a wonderful, happy life.

Above the things I can't do, there are SO many things that I can, and would, do with my family. We would have fun and we would be happy.

And hey, it would sure be character building for my kids to grow up with their mom in a wheelchair!

They would learn early on to be helpful and patient. And as soon as I stopped looking at this as a trial to overcome, and started looking at it as just the way life is right now, I was able to be happy.

The ups and downs, the unknowns of the future, the pain that I felt daily, had all been wearing on me.

I was so scared and so impatient, waiting for life to get better. And that's when I realized I was going about it all wrong. I can't view this as a trial to overcome; that life will be better when I walk again.

I felt like these precious young months with my babies were just passing me by. How silly of me. What a blessing that I was able to be home with my babies, snuggling with them, spending every waking moment with them because there was literally nothing else I was able to do on my own.

These precious months were not passing me by, they were given to me to be enjoyed to the fullest extent. Sure, I couldn't run around with my Carson, but I could read to him, and cheer him on, and smile and laugh with him, and snuggle with him, all while holding my Gordon close, hangin' out in the wheelchair.

I was unable to be busy in life, so I was able to give everything to my kids. How fortunate I am!

And then I looked at all the lessons I've learned along this journey. I appreciate so many things on so many new levels, and I have a much deeper understanding of what's important in life.

My husband and I have a deeper appreciation and respect for one another, as we've had to watch each other bear this unique load that we've been given.

A few years ago, I had a real struggle with anxiety. I went to counseling for 6 months, and with that was able to stop my anxiety attacks and be gentler with myself.

Had I never gone through that, I think this current trial would have been extremely more emotionally challenging. My old yearning to be constantly on the move would have probably plunged me into depression when I lost my ability to walk and take care of the house.

I would have sat there shaming myself for being lazy, even if the "laziness" was out of my control. But, that's not how it was.

I had already learned how to treat myself more kindly and that it's okay to have limits. I had to exercise great patience and humility as I watched other people play with my children and clean my house.

But instead of beating myself up for it, I figured out how to accept it as an exercise that the Lord wanted me to practice. I learned that I am not unbreakable.

I had always had pride in thinking I could do anything I set my mind to. We can do all things that God wants us to do, but we can't do all things we want to do.

This is a very significant difference, and I had to come to terms with it. But in the grand scheme of things, the only thing that matters is what God wants me to do.

He sees the whole picture, so I need to trust that he knows what I need much better than I know. Lewis wrote a beautiful metaphor about trusting God's plan for us: "Imagine yourself as a living house.

God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.

But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense.

What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.

You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

I thought of the scripture, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. He'll take care of our needs, and just like the lilies, we'll grow the way HE wants us to grow.

So I submitted myself to God. I understand that he has a plan, and I trust him. Build my palace. A couple of weeks ago, my immediate and extended family held a family fast for me.

I was to the point where the specialists were at a loss, and they were easing me into the idea that I might not recover. My mobility was slowly improving, but my pain was not, and, I was scared.

So I asked my family to fast and pray with me. And we did. Now there wasn't an instant recovery clearly, as I'm still in a wheelchair, haha.

However, I did notice an instant, and significant, decrease in my pain. I've been cautious to get too optimistic about it, because I've had good days and bad days throughout this whole process.

But ever since that family fast I used to just lie on the couch and ache. I was never not in pain. That isn't the case anymore. I still feel pain, but it's low and very bearable.

I'm at a point where, even if this is as good as I get, I could live with this. I was scared of being in pain for the rest of my life. But take the pain out of the picture, and, I can handle a wheelchair!

But then I went to physical therapy yesterday. My therapist was absolutely thrilled with how much I've improved. She really honestly thinks I'll recover.

It looks like it will simply be like this: as hard as I work, is as good as I'll get. I'll be able to walk as far as I can strengthen my muscles to go.

So there probably won't be a day where, "Ta-Da! Pretty good motivation to exercise and stay in shape, right?! So anyway, the bottom line is, I'm feeling good.

I'm excited about the prospect of getting better and being able to walk. I'm thrilled that my pain levels have been under control.

I'm grateful for all of the many lessons I've learned on this journey. I'm motivated to press forward and to use any improved mobility to do good and serve the Lord.

I have faith that the Lord is forming me into who he wants me to be. I have a renewed testimony of faith and fasting, and I firmly believe that it helped me.

Even if I never get all the way better, I know that life will be great. Hard, but also happy. Brock always says, "Carson, Gordon, and I love you!

We are your three biggest cheerleaders! Posted by Aubrey at AM 2 comments:. Wednesday, August 20, Recovery is a long road.

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I've learned that we all have to have a turn needing help. I've learned that we're never alone. And I've learned that it's okay to lower your expectations for yourself in order to be content with what you're able to do.

I guess it's my turn to be tried, humbled, and taught patience. And I'm okay with it, because I have also been bounteously blessed.

I have two beautiful, healthy little boys, and they are so beyond worth it. The Lord has blessed me with the strength I need to take care of my little ones.

As long as I'm able to do that, I'm okay. I can be happy. They are little angels and they bring me so much joy. The Lord has also blessed me with an amazing husband who is my saving grace.

He picks up my slack around the house. He's the most incredible person I know. So this is me, giving up my pride.

Owning my condition instead of hiding it. Trusting the Lord that one day I'll be able to walk well, and play with my little boys.

In the mean time, I will do my best to stay happy. For my boys, for my husband, and for myself. After all, why are we here except to conquer trials, grow stronger, and find happiness?

So I'm gonna do that. Cane and all. Watch me conquer! Wednesday, October 29, Life is a Rollercoaster. Posted by Aubrey at AM 1 comment:.

Wednesday, September 17, Grateful for the Journey. Most people outside of my family don't know the full extent of my condition.

It's been a difficult and scary 6 months, not knowing if I'll ever fully recover from this ailment; not knowing if I'll ever be able to walk well again.

I've been bracing myself. I braced myself for the idea that I would never run with my children. That I'd never take them hiking or for a bike ride.

That anything active we did as a family, I'd be cheering on the sidelines. And you know what, it would be okay. If I never got any better than I am right now, we could still have a wonderful, happy life.

Above the things I can't do, there are SO many things that I can, and would, do with my family. We would have fun and we would be happy.

And hey, it would sure be character building for my kids to grow up with their mom in a wheelchair!

They would learn early on to be helpful and patient. And as soon as I stopped looking at this as a trial to overcome, and started looking at it as just the way life is right now, I was able to be happy.

The ups and downs, the unknowns of the future, the pain that I felt daily, had all been wearing on me. I was so scared and so impatient, waiting for life to get better.

And that's when I realized I was going about it all wrong. I can't view this as a trial to overcome; that life will be better when I walk again.

I felt like these precious young months with my babies were just passing me by. How silly of me. What a blessing that I was able to be home with my babies, snuggling with them, spending every waking moment with them because there was literally nothing else I was able to do on my own.

These precious months were not passing me by, they were given to me to be enjoyed to the fullest extent. Sure, I couldn't run around with my Carson, but I could read to him, and cheer him on, and smile and laugh with him, and snuggle with him, all while holding my Gordon close, hangin' out in the wheelchair.

I was unable to be busy in life, so I was able to give everything to my kids. How fortunate I am! And then I looked at all the lessons I've learned along this journey.

I appreciate so many things on so many new levels, and I have a much deeper understanding of what's important in life. My husband and I have a deeper appreciation and respect for one another, as we've had to watch each other bear this unique load that we've been given.

A few years ago, I had a real struggle with anxiety. I went to counseling for 6 months, and with that was able to stop my anxiety attacks and be gentler with myself.

Had I never gone through that, I think this current trial would have been extremely more emotionally challenging. My old yearning to be constantly on the move would have probably plunged me into depression when I lost my ability to walk and take care of the house.

I would have sat there shaming myself for being lazy, even if the "laziness" was out of my control. But, that's not how it was.

I had already learned how to treat myself more kindly and that it's okay to have limits. I had to exercise great patience and humility as I watched other people play with my children and clean my house.

But instead of beating myself up for it, I figured out how to accept it as an exercise that the Lord wanted me to practice. I learned that I am not unbreakable.

I had always had pride in thinking I could do anything I set my mind to. We can do all things that God wants us to do, but we can't do all things we want to do.

This is a very significant difference, and I had to come to terms with it. But in the grand scheme of things, the only thing that matters is what God wants me to do.

He sees the whole picture, so I need to trust that he knows what I need much better than I know. Lewis wrote a beautiful metaphor about trusting God's plan for us: "Imagine yourself as a living house.

God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.

But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense.

What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards.

You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.

I thought of the scripture, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow. He'll take care of our needs, and just like the lilies, we'll grow the way HE wants us to grow.

So I submitted myself to God. I understand that he has a plan, and I trust him. Build my palace. A couple of weeks ago, my immediate and extended family held a family fast for me.

I was to the point where the specialists were at a loss, and they were easing me into the idea that I might not recover. My mobility was slowly improving, but my pain was not, and, I was scared.

So I asked my family to fast and pray with me. And we did. Now there wasn't an instant recovery clearly, as I'm still in a wheelchair, haha.

However, I did notice an instant, and significant, decrease in my pain. I've been cautious to get too optimistic about it, because I've had good days and bad days throughout this whole process.

But ever since that family fast I used to just lie on the couch and ache. I was never not in pain. That isn't the case anymore.

I still feel pain, but it's low and very bearable. I'm at a point where, even if this is as good as I get, I could live with this.

I was scared of being in pain for the rest of my life. But take the pain out of the picture, and, I can handle a wheelchair! But then I went to physical therapy yesterday.

My therapist was absolutely thrilled with how much I've improved. She really honestly thinks I'll recover. It looks like it will simply be like this: as hard as I work, is as good as I'll get.

I'll be able to walk as far as I can strengthen my muscles to go. So there probably won't be a day where, "Ta-Da! Pretty good motivation to exercise and stay in shape, right?!

So anyway, the bottom line is, I'm feeling good. I'm excited about the prospect of getting better and being able to walk. I'm thrilled that my pain levels have been under control.

I'm grateful for all of the many lessons I've learned on this journey. I'm motivated to press forward and to use any improved mobility to do good and serve the Lord.

I have faith that the Lord is forming me into who he wants me to be. I have a renewed testimony of faith and fasting, and I firmly believe that it helped me.

Even if I never get all the way better, I know that life will be great. Hard, but also happy. Brock always says, "Carson, Gordon, and I love you!

We are your three biggest cheerleaders! Posted by Aubrey at AM 2 comments:. Wednesday, August 20, Recovery is a long road.

Posted by Aubrey at PM 3 comments:. This is me, 24 years old, mommy of 2. And this is my new walking cane. Posted by Aubrey at PM No comments:.

Friday, January 11, Happy New Year ! It was one of the hardest years of my life, but also the most wonderful.

January: - Met our nephew, Ben, for the first time! Posted by Aubrey at AM No comments:. Thursday, December 20, Faith Alone is Enough.

A few days ago, there was a shooting at an elementary school. Absolutely horrific. As the days have passed, I have pondered a lot about this incident.

I cried, I held my baby even tighter, I felt the fear of raising him in such a broken world And I know others are pondering on this day as well.

Many people may wonder why a loving Heavenly Father would allow such a tragedy to occur. It is an easy thought to have when something so cruel and unfair happens.

My thoughts about that question are these. We were sent here to this life to be tested. How can we prove ourselves if we never have an opportunity to exercise our faith?

How can we serve others if no one ever needs help? How can we learn optimism and gratitude if we never experience loss? So then some may ask, if trials are necessary in life, why are some people's lives so much harder than others?

This is a question I myself have pondered many times. I get the adversity thing, and the need to exercise our agency. But it does seem like some have been dealt a much worse hand than others.

Then I remembered how uniquely individual we all are. So our trials must be cut out according to that uniqueness.

It would hardly be fair to give us all the same test when we all have different traits to build and different qualities to prove.

And it would hardly be a test of faith if everyone else went through the exact same thing. The point is for us to build a personal relationship with God - our own testimony based on our unique experiences in this life - and to choose for ourselves how to respond to the trials we face.

My comfort in times like this is to remember that there is so much good in the world amidst all of the evil. At Christmas time especially, we see people's desires to serve come out.

Families are breaking, but they are also being created. People are hurting, but so many are also being comforted and loved. Lives are being destroyed, but so many others are building their talents and having adventures.

There is evil in the world, but we must not let that dismiss from our minds the fact that there is also good. I know my logic is not enough to satisfy some people who are discouraged by this event or others like it , and that is okay.

I do not have all of the answers. My purpose in writing this entry is that this logic is enough for me. I have accepted that my mortal brain cannot comprehend all of the mysteries of Heaven, and I will never fully understand Heavenly Father's plan while I am here.

But I do fully understand that He knows his plan, and his plan is perfect. So in times when logic falters, and pain is strong, I rely solely on my faith that God lives, he knows each of us, and he loves us.

When faith is all we have, we exercise it by accepting that faith alone is enough. My prayers go out to all those affected by this tragedy in any way.

May you find comfort and peace during this time of hardship. Labels: Faith , Lessons Learned , Newtown. Wednesday, November 28, Carson Brock Taylor.

Every night that week, I went to bed slightly put out and upset that I didn't have the baby. Saturday morning, the Taylors headed back to Colorado, and I decided it was time to change my attitude.

I was wanting the baby two weeks earlier than he was supposed to come, so it was silly to expect such results. I was reminded of some counsel I had heard to "do whatever we can to be happy NOW, despite your situation.

I took belly pictures, went to the Aggie Football game, relaxed with Brock, and went to bed less upset than I had for the past week and a half.

Apparently, that's what Heavenly Father wanted me to learn Stanley Donen []. Fred Zinnemann []. Robert Stevenson []. Peter Glenville []. Terence Young [t] [].

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Jeana Hersholta ; []. Cecila B. Z Wikipedii, wolnej encyklopedii. Po przewiezieniu do szpitala zdiagnozowano u niej ostry atak kamieni nerkowych.

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